Wait, what?
I really appreciate the cultural misunderstandings that happen in this work. It can seem so serious and bewildering.... and then I realize what's going on and I break into a smile. Here are a few of my stumblings in this work that highlight the challenge and never-a-dull-moment-ness of multicultural therapy:
* A boy from the Caribbean displays what I believe is sexually inappropriate and alarming behavior. When my supervisor and I question the mother, she asks, "What? Do you mean he was dancing?"He was dancing as many people from his culture do.
* A young woman from the Middle East tells me she can't swim after a previous story of swimming back in her home country. After some discussion, it turns out that she can't swim in this country because there are no sex-separate, women-only swimming pools. "Can't" doesn't always refer to abilities, as I temporarily forgot!
* A West African woman interrupts my art therapy session with her children with a shout from the other room: at first I don't understand what she said, and I'm worried that she feels I'm intruding on her family and that I haven't explained well enough what my job is. She yelled so aggressively! I go to the other room, and there she is on the floor with two bowls full of rice and "watah greens:" she had prepared her meal and wanted me to share food with her. Hospitality comes first for her, and I naturally respect that. Eating with her becomes a regular thing, and we connect best this way.
* A Central Asian father escorts me to my car in the rain, huddling with me under an umbrella. I am a little nervous about being this close to a father of my client, but I know this is showing him respect by allowing him to do this. Chivalry, still common in many cultures, is lost in the U.S. - I'm used to such an act being a suspicious one.
* A very conservative Middle Eastern mother of my client carries a gold purse covered in the playboy bunny logo. I ask my interpreter to tell her gently the meaning of this, so as to let her know without embarrassing her.
* I upgrade my car from a 1988 honda civic to a 2004 honda accord: my Iraqi clients sigh in relief and applaud my improved look. My interpreter tells me some of my clients had initial doubts about me due to my ancient, tiny car!
* An African grandmother asks me questions about myself: You are married? No. You have a boyfriend? No (well, at the time this was true). You don't even have any children -- [not even illegitimately was implied]? No. Well. I feel briefly like if I at least was raising a child by myself.... wait a minute! A woman's worth is certainly rated on different scales in different places! I am struck at how different a privileged American woman's timeline and value set is at this time in history.
* A Middle Eastern family is reported to child protective services for verbally abusing their children. I hear it myself when I visit their house. Hmmm. After 2 years of working with families from this culture, I only notice the expressively loud, stern tone that many parents use when setting limits with their children. My interpreter tells me what's being said: "You must complete your school work before going outside!" "Get our guests a soda -- you should know better by now to do this!" I believe Iraqis talk like Italians -- loudly, with an aggressive tone that can sound belligerent to American ears. I remember traveling in Italy and worrying that people were about to break into a fight at any moment before I got used to the manner of speech.
* A family I had worked with for 6 months seems suddenly changed: the recently widowed mother and her children are open, laughing, and more relaxed. Before they were tense and nervous. I ask my new interpreter if something has changed for the family. She smiles, and mentions that the interpreter I used until now was a man -- much less comfortable for a new widow alone with her children!
* A boy from the Caribbean displays what I believe is sexually inappropriate and alarming behavior. When my supervisor and I question the mother, she asks, "What? Do you mean he was dancing?"He was dancing as many people from his culture do.
* A young woman from the Middle East tells me she can't swim after a previous story of swimming back in her home country. After some discussion, it turns out that she can't swim in this country because there are no sex-separate, women-only swimming pools. "Can't" doesn't always refer to abilities, as I temporarily forgot!
* A West African woman interrupts my art therapy session with her children with a shout from the other room: at first I don't understand what she said, and I'm worried that she feels I'm intruding on her family and that I haven't explained well enough what my job is. She yelled so aggressively! I go to the other room, and there she is on the floor with two bowls full of rice and "watah greens:" she had prepared her meal and wanted me to share food with her. Hospitality comes first for her, and I naturally respect that. Eating with her becomes a regular thing, and we connect best this way.
* A Central Asian father escorts me to my car in the rain, huddling with me under an umbrella. I am a little nervous about being this close to a father of my client, but I know this is showing him respect by allowing him to do this. Chivalry, still common in many cultures, is lost in the U.S. - I'm used to such an act being a suspicious one.
* A very conservative Middle Eastern mother of my client carries a gold purse covered in the playboy bunny logo. I ask my interpreter to tell her gently the meaning of this, so as to let her know without embarrassing her.
* I upgrade my car from a 1988 honda civic to a 2004 honda accord: my Iraqi clients sigh in relief and applaud my improved look. My interpreter tells me some of my clients had initial doubts about me due to my ancient, tiny car!
* An African grandmother asks me questions about myself: You are married? No. You have a boyfriend? No (well, at the time this was true). You don't even have any children -- [not even illegitimately was implied]? No. Well. I feel briefly like if I at least was raising a child by myself.... wait a minute! A woman's worth is certainly rated on different scales in different places! I am struck at how different a privileged American woman's timeline and value set is at this time in history.
* A Middle Eastern family is reported to child protective services for verbally abusing their children. I hear it myself when I visit their house. Hmmm. After 2 years of working with families from this culture, I only notice the expressively loud, stern tone that many parents use when setting limits with their children. My interpreter tells me what's being said: "You must complete your school work before going outside!" "Get our guests a soda -- you should know better by now to do this!" I believe Iraqis talk like Italians -- loudly, with an aggressive tone that can sound belligerent to American ears. I remember traveling in Italy and worrying that people were about to break into a fight at any moment before I got used to the manner of speech.
* A family I had worked with for 6 months seems suddenly changed: the recently widowed mother and her children are open, laughing, and more relaxed. Before they were tense and nervous. I ask my new interpreter if something has changed for the family. She smiles, and mentions that the interpreter I used until now was a man -- much less comfortable for a new widow alone with her children!
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