Sitting in the Fire: Empathizing with All Clients In Deeply Divided Political Times

Wednesday morning came and I woke up with a grief and outrage that I have not felt in a very long time. And I had eight clients scheduled for therapy. Perhaps against my better judgment, I went on with my day and showed up at work. And show up I did. I believe in authentic validation, and I knew I would have as many clients elated at the results of this presidential election as I would clients who were outraged or apathetic.

I have worked largely with culturally diverse populations. I have nearly ten years of practice learning to understand and validate clients' experience regardless of how different their beliefs may be from my own. To do this well I have to self-reflect and own my specific biases and beliefs, not assuming for a minute that they are universal. I know too much to make that mistake. And that mistake, in the hands of any white person with power over others, is a dangerous one. I am that white person with power over others in my role as a therapist. I will write about white privilege in another post, but here I want to say that I am part of the problem if I cannot join my clients on an emotional level, if I can't empathize with something that is so important to them emotionally. If I "correct" my clients' beliefs, no matter how much I may disagree with them, I take more power away from them. I have yet to have a client come to me for political advice: they come for deep presence, understanding, and guidance in sorting through their lives and past traumas.

So how do I do this? How did  this bleeding-heart liberal do this on November 9, 2016? I sat with the boiling maelstrom of emotions in my mind-body and I listened like Hell. On that day I really listened and heard things I could understand. I internally validated my own feelings constantly while keeping them on simmer, and I authentically reflected the righteous anger and desire for dramatic change that led many to midwife the result we got on election day. I had to sometimes validate my outrage at the sentiments I was hearing while simultaneously pulling at the thread of fear, anger or frustration within the sentiments and validating that for my client. I also stopped fighting against integrating into my worldview what I perceive as a whole new level of misogyny and xenophobia. And in every break I had, I connected with friends and family to express my feelings, allowing those feelings to take over. None of this was/is easy. Wednesday was the most emotionally and spiritually challenging day I have experienced in many years. But I feel like a better therapist and a better person for having gone through it.